Local teen resolves to be lazy in the new year

As the old saying goes: New Year, new me. This year, I have decided to wholeheartedly abide by that mantra. 2016 is the year that I change it all. My New Year’s plan consists of two main parts:

1. Diet/Exercise Plan
2. Removing Negativity

To be happy, I first recognize I need to work on my body. I have resolved to eat more chocolate. And more chips. And more cake. And maybe if I’m feeling daring, three pints of ice cream at once. In addition to that stellar diet, I will also be signing up for a Netflix account. My current exercise plan is already solid, if not, a little excessive. I have upstairs classes second, fourth, and fifth hour and if that’s not enough of a work out, I don’t know what is. Then by the time swimsuit season rolls around, I’ll be more than ready. Who needs to look like a beach babe when you can look like a beach ball instead?

After I get my rockin’ bod’ in order, I need to sort out my social life. My friends these days are starting to negatively impact me. I only have three, but I really need to downsize. In fact, just the other day one of those three friends ate my leftover wings from Buffalo Wild Wings; I don’t know why I didn’t kick her out of my house that very moment, but she’s out of my life now for sure.

After that traumatizing experience, I called up friend #2 to come help me get over my honey barbeque heartache and she said she was “busy” doing “homework.” If she couldn’t take the time out of her day to drop everything and help me in my time of dire need, then she’s definitely cut off.

Then to finish off my friend list, on that snow day a few weeks ago, friend #3 didn’t invite me to go play in the snow with her, so she obviously hates me and I just don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

With a New Year’s Resolution as clever as mine, I can expect 2016 to be my best year yet.